superintendent's words

Fell into my inbox this morning: An email with quotes from "a central-casting superintendent of the old school." The words belong to Jim Roosa, who passed away November 6, 2008. As the email's author says, "look past the 'construction language' and enjoy."

1. I’d rather be the only girl on a Greek freighter than sit in that meeting
2. He wouldn’t say XXXX if he had a mouth full of it
3. Run a job? He couldn’t organize a one car funeral
4. He’s slower then the second coming
5. It’s like killing chickens, there really is no clean way to do it
6. He’s stuck in my neck like a chicken bone. Can’t swallow him and can’t spit him out.
7. It’s so messed up it stands out like a XXXX-house in a fog.
8. He doesn’t have enough common sense to know to get out of the rain.
9. If I tell you it’s Easter, you better start looking for Easter eggs.
10. If I go in there without knowing the answers, they will be looking at me like a bug in a jar.
11. Hey what’s done is done, you can’t put XXXX back in the donkey (credits to Tony Soprano)
12. They are so stupid they would XXXX up a free lunch.
13. He doesn’t know if it’s raining or Thursday.
14. I’ll be watching you like a chicken hawk
15. If he were a gazelle on the Serengeti he would have been eaten by now.
16. They want us to track every bolt. Next thing you know we'll be counting light bulbs. It's like picking fly sh#% out of pepper.
17. He doesn’t know sh#% from Shinola
18. Let me tell you something, I ain’t as dumb as you look
19. The moron couldn’t put together a two camel caravan
20. If I tell you it’s Christmas you’d better start singing me Silent Night
21. Why don’t you just go back to the office and count some more paperclips, pretty boy?
22. Drawings? You can roll up those drawings real tight and stick them up where the sun don’t shine.
23. You’d better square up you’re a$$ and start XXXXing me Tiffany cufflinks (borrowed from Full Metal Jacket/ Sgt. Hartman, but used often)
24. He’s just an office rat, you know, a Wall Street Journal in one hand and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the other
25. Hey, you, how come I’m talking and I don’t see pencils moving! (from a subs’ meeting)
26. Your extra tickets? Yes I got them, they are going through the shredder as we speak.
27. How ‘bout I sign your extra tickets as “Abraham Lincoln”
28. Shut up. When I want your opinion I’ll give it to you.
29. If it can’t kill you it ain’t construction
30. Do I have to get an Act of Congress or call George Bush to get you off your lazy a$$?
31. Get out of the trailer and knock on the door first
32. He’s a real BS artist, can talk his way out of a traffic jam
33. Think about how many mouse-clickers we can fit on this floor
34. I’m gonna go out there and stir up some XXXX just for the heck of it. Keep’em on their toes.
35. Watch your step buddy, I got a caisson with your name on it.
36. Did I tell you about the job that burned down to the ground in Cleveland in 1961? That’s not in the corporate brochure.
37. Make sure you don’t lose (insert name of an Executive Vice President) in the building
38. And tell him not to wear his Gucci slippers when he comes to my jobsite.
39. I don’t give a XXXX how you did it at (insert name of another superintendent’s job)
40. Sometimes I think he screws things up just because he can’t stand prosperity
41. Cheap SOB’s – they’d take the low bid if it was from Charles Manson
42. I remember him well, used to take his lunch money in grade school
43. Laptop? You won’t be needing a laptop. You won’t be spending much time in the trailer. Better go buy some thermal underwear.
44. Not much you can do with him. All you can do is give him a map and a ham sandwich and send him on his way.
45. If you can draw it up on your funny paper, I can build it.
46. If you have to talk, make it real quick. One word or less.